I’ve rewritten this post for about three times now in total and each piece didn’t feel right. So here I am, about to try for the fourth time. Hello!
As I’ve said quite a few times earlier this year, I welcomed 2017 with a terrible mood and the heaviest heart. To be frank, it’s the downest I’ve ever been. I was suffering and in result, my personal relationships suffered as well. Throughout the year, I was struggling to feel better and be better while constantly being reminded of all the pain and heartbreak the latter months of 2016 brought me.
Needless to say, it was tough.
It took a lot of courage to focus on the good and gulp down the crippling fears I had. On the brighter side, I learned a lot of things in 2017 – not only about life in general but also about myself. So, I made a list of things that made my heart feel warm and grateful in 2017 – as a way to wrap it up in good grace and as a way to embrace 2018 with, hopefully, a lighter heart.
- 2017 gave me the opportunity to reconnect with old and good friends. Earlier that year I met up with some of my former school mates to welcome Alleine. I needed those jokes, those chuckles, and familiar faces to remind me that there’s still to life despite being half-buried in the pits of despair.
- It was heartwarming to know that I have amazing people who showered me with so much understanding and love this year. It took me a while to reach out to people because of my own silly fears. I’m grateful for these good people that helped me stay afloat and didn’t judge me when I poured my heart out.
- Rediscovering my love for art & music helped me a lot, as I’m sure many of you know since I’ve mentioned it a few posts back. But art is such a wonderful thing that a lot of people take for granted. I love how it eases your mind away from the turmoil and just focuses it on colors and strokes and brushes. Before you know it, you have a masterpiece!
- In March of this year, my boyfriend and I celebrated six years of being together. Yep, six. We both agree that 2017 is the most difficult year in our relationship, however, it’s also the year we both thoroughly discussed our differences and shortcomings. It was a year of repairing, becoming stronger and better people for each other. With the new year, we’re both super excited to create new memories to look back on. Cesar has been really helpful to me throughout the year (actually, ever since). We had our fair share of fights but there’s also no denying that he was there for me through it all and that he supports me in everything I do.
- This year undeniably humbled me. I learned how to appreciate the little things and that a lot of the important aspects in our life has no monetary value.
- 2017 hold a lot of good memories for me academically. My thesis group got nominated as part of the Top 20 Best Capstone finalists. The entire project was months in the making but we all felt proud and content that a bunch of people appreciated it. I’m thankful for the people whom I worked with on Bust & Bra (hi girls, Ara & Elisha), deep down we all know that without each other the whole thing wouldn’t even be possible.
- In July, I graduated with an Honourable Mention. I was happy with myself that I achieved my goal to graduate with flying colors but most importantly, I was happy because I know I made my mom happy.
- Speaking of my mom, 2017 made me respect and love her even more. She remains a model for me to look up to. The way she remains optimistic and holds herself together despite rough times is truly impressive. I wish I had her strength. Also, this year we had a bit of a scare because we found a lump on her nape; thankfully, all is well and there is nothing to worry about!
- 2017 made me appreciate my siblings a bit more as well. Obviously, a lot of the times we don’t get a long together considering the age gaps and all; but it’s heartwarming to know that we have each other’s backs. Our bonds with each other definitely strengthened in 2017. (See, it was a tough year but a lot of good things came up because of it.)
- I got my first ever job December of this particular year, which is a blessing I can’t put into words properly. After 5 months of doing nothing, it’s quite refreshing to spend my days focused on something, you know what I mean? I admit it gets exhausting at times but I’ve been having a great time so far! It’s so fulfilling to be able to sustain myself on my own.
- 2017 made me appreciate myself more. At some point this year, I stopped taking care of myself because I was so worried about the other people around me that I put them first. In 2018, I want to be able to take care of both; me and the people I hold dearly!
I skipped over a lot of events, mostly because I didn’t want to make this entry drag longer than it should. I have so much more happy memories and things I’m grateful for that I just intend to keep in my heart.
If I reached out to you in 2017 and you greeted me with understanding and zero judgment – thank you. In your own little way, you helped me.
I feel lighter writing after finally finishing this and I am filled with a different sense of hope for 2018. It’s nice to leave all the pain and hurt behind and just start fresh, I’m excited to meet the new year with a braver face! Happy 2018!