The last months of 2020 was a whirlwind.

First off, I finally resigned at my first job. Finally. It took a lot of guts and convincing myself. It was time for me to leave and I could just feel that I was ready for a change – in fact it felt like I needed change. Also, because of the effects of COVID-19, we were put on pay cut and it kind of pushed me to hand in the paper. Ya girl needs dough, you know.

Of course, I acknowledge that at a time of economic crisis, I am one hell of a lucky cat to be able to do that. Even more so that I was able to find a new job. I took a much needed two-week rest before working again and during that time I was able to rekindle my love for painting. It was refreshing, to say the least. I also sold some of my paintings. Like, how crazy is that?

My previous job strictly required us to report to the office every day and I admit, it’s a breath of fresh air after being quarantined at home for months (and that’s coming from a homebody). But worrying that you might get COVID-19 and pass it to your family isn’t fun at all. So it’s really cool that I get to work from home at my new job. There are downsides, of course. Like, getting easily distracted by our dog’s barks but other than that, I must say I’m doing okay.

And while we’re on the topic of being okay, I also want to share that 2020 made me more aware of my mental health. I started seeing a therapist March of last year but because of the quarantine, I wasn’t able to religiously follow through with my sessions. I think I was only able to attend 3 or 4 online consultations. In all honesty, it worked at first. My turmoils and pain were validated and I was getting insightful advice from my therapist.

But spoiler alert: Things don’t go as planned. My mental health still continued to decline. So, my therapist referred me to a Psychiatrist. I didn’t know how to take it in at first, it felt pretty overwhelming. I didn’t want to take medications but at the same time I’m so damn tired. After thinking about it and doing some research of my own, I decided to give it a shot.

My first few days on medication was mind-blowing. I felt like myself again and my sleep was so good that I swear I felt like crying the moment I first woke up. I didn’t realize it’s still possible for me to get sleep that good. It still feels like a rollercoaster majority of the time, but I feel much more at ease knowing that I’m seeing a professional about it. I’ve been on anti-depressants + other medications for about six months now and I don’t regret it at all.

I haven’t entirely told my family about my mental health as I am still working on gathering enough courage to do so; but I guess part of what makes things a breeze is having a good support system. My boyfriend is so supportive about my mental health journey. I also realized as I’m typing this that we’ve become so much more patient and understanding of each other. Whether or not it’s because of the time spent apart during quarantine, we will never know. But we’re spending our 10th year together next month and I couldn’t be happier.

Oh, also I’m blonde for now. Teehee.

One thought on “Off my chest.

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